Math Professor Quotes

“Mother’s day is coming up. If you’re looking for a present you can just pick a weight function, create a series, and name it after your mother. Of course, this is not incredibly useful in mathematical physics.”

— Series and Transforms lecturer

“I don’t care about those people.”

— Physics professor on electrons outside of a magnetic field

“That’s a good guy. That’s someone everybody wants.”

— Physics professor on Uranium 235

“You can use this at a party if the person you’re talking to is someone you’re trying to impress, or if you’re trying to get them to go away. It works in both cases.”

— Analysis Professor on proving the real numbers are not countable

“Every time I climb Mount Everest, I eat a pizza.”

— Topology professor on vacuous truth

“Oh, I forgot to row reduce to echelon form. My father told me not to smoke, but I did anyway. Class is done. Please go.”

— Linear Algebra Professor 20 minutes into solving a problem and realizing he made a mistake right at the start, extremely distressed

“I remember being a kid and learning about protective duality.”

— Symplectic geometry professor

“You can do it by playing Poohsticks or using the curl operator. Whatever you prefer.”

— Physics professor on rotational flow

“e^x is God’s function. ln(x) is the Devil’s function.”

— Calculus professor

“Sometimes I finished the class too early, sometimes too late. I am a statistician, so on average I was always perfectly on time.”

— Statistics professor